I am God's warrior.

They may say I'm a dreamer. <3

And I take pride with that.

Everyday I wake up and smile, knowing that waking up means another day closer to my dreams.

And as I wake up each day and aspire, I realize how lucky I am to be where I am.

I've always said I wanted to be a dentist, when someone asks me, hey, "What's your course?"

I breathe in and smile as I say the word "Dentistry".

I inhale & exhale, and as I look at the world in these rose tinted glasses of mine,

I become conscious of the trials that await every wanderer.

This battle goes and I walk trying to pick up the pieces of armor.

Obstacles come & in each combat a mighty warrior rises from the ashes.

But no one ever wins always, even legendary boxers & Alexander the great was defeated.

I've always wondered why we must go through tests, those silly things that make as say QUIT.

There were times when I just wanna sit in one corner and in retrospect recall every waking moment where I felt all the frustrations & the anguish.

And then as those tiny little droplets fall I fake a smile.

Claiming that tomorrow will be better.

I've always asked Him for help, but there were moments when I just wanna say, "Why can't He hear me?"

Tomorrow comes, rematch and I'm still the loser.

I can never phantom the words to say.

I just wanna scream & shout, "Why me? Why now? WHY?!"

Must I always end up torn & wounded?

One day I woke once more, taking in everything that had happened.

"Everything happens for a reason…"
 

Next day I went to battle, heart trembling as uncertainty conquers me.

"How in the world can I get up and rise when I'm way down?"

Then magic happens…

And alas… The Lord God has done it again.

I never thought He'd hear me, or at least not in that instance.

All I could say was, "THANK YOU LORD GOD, I LOVE YOU with all my heart, mind and soul."

As the song plays,

"Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life"

He never fails to amaze me, whenever I'm weak He comforts me.

Whenever I'm weary, He hears my rants.

And whenever I tell Him my needs, He stuns me with His mercy & generosity. <3

Whenever you feel lie giving up, always remember, He hears You.
Whenever you feel like He has let you down, don't ever show that frown.
He hears you; He may just be waiting for the right time.
It may not be now, but soon, then You'll realize, He has far more greater things to give you than what you expect.

So what happens to a soldier who loses in battle?

He earns scars, battle wounds that will forever lay on his skin.

Something to remind us, that God is preparing us for the great combat, the hunger games perhaps.

For something far greater than our own minds can reach.

I must admit, whenever I look back and realize how I had gone through everything I realize, God is so great.

He has always been there for me. He has loved me far greater than anyone can ever will.

Despite my flaws, my weaknesses and my doubts.

Lord God, I promise to believe in the beauty of my dreams, by faith, I know I can always achieve them. Not by my own strength but with you as my armor in this battle. Lord God, thank you for the battle wounds, the only thing that reminds us of how you have trained us. Through my journey, I offer all the trials & accomplishments, make my life Your great testimony, use me for Your glory Lord God. <3

---Dr. Dee

9-26-12

Struggles & fears.

As I type in words to this blog post,  droplets fall, and I draw near insanity.

I've been quite an expert in keeping all things locked up, sealed to perfection with a poker face to top it all up.

I am strong, I always tell myself that.
I am NOT weak.
I am good, I am better that good, supernatural things are upon me.

I am filled with optimism, with delight, with joy.
But as everyday goes, my spirit slowly crumbles...
And I am left hopeless & weary.

I am fighting through the uncertainty,
I am conquering all odds,
At least I am trying my very best.

But there's always that tiny "but" amidst all crisis.

Nothing seems to go well,
And I am left with nothing but queries.

"Bakit ganun? Bakit ganto?"

"Weren't I a good student?"

I'm doing my best, but still, it's all wrong.

I am struggling, fighting with all my heart

To reach my most awaited victory.

A victory, I presume will be worth it.

I fear that all this is but a sign,
to whether give up or choose another.
BUT NO, I know I CAN.

I just have to keep on believing
Trying, and learning.
So that maybe, just maybe...

One day I'll be triumphant.

--dee. 
7.12.12. 7.01

Conflict of interests.

I wonder how there can ever be trillions of people in this vast universe,
with only a you & a me.

I am what I am, and I can never change that.
I may have tried once, twice or so, but I know I cannot in a million years change who i am.
For you.

Blame games and plastic cups.
A glass of liquor and some pain killers.
Metaphors & similes used.

But inside of me,
no verb nor noun can can alleviate
all the infuriating thoughts that jolt.

You have taught me to be inferior.
I am an underdog.
And you are the peak.

I used to look up to you.
Bow down on every achievement.
I wanted to be like you.

Glad I didn't.
Now I feel ashamed.
You no longer even have to exist.

Of all the many strangers,
why must you be the one?
The one I will forever bare.

We all must carry our own cross.
But to this, I must say no.
I object, and  resist.

Bound by bonds I can never deny.
Yet barred by depths of hatred,
of disgust & arrogance.

I shall never say no to reconciliation
but as this goes,
I'll take it with me.

Cause once we were strangers.
But you never said hi.
And I was naive.

I don't understand all rules.
And you don't seem to like me.
So good bye.

To the bond between us.

-Dee
07-05-12
:)

It' kinda awesome when you have the will to write something, regardless of whether you have a something to write about in your mind.
Tic tac.. Splatter.
And the rain just started pouring.
Click, click. Press.
And im reblogging like crazy.

My minds kind of chaotic right now.
And even my heart could affirm to that.
Here we go again.
Flip flip. Toss & turn.

---------this will forever be left unfinished :(

Dreams & Reality

If dreaming was a crime, then I plead guilty.

For dreaming is an everyday habit, a lifeline, and probably my very best friend.

I believe that I am a dreamer, and a believer at the same time.

Dreaming is my only diversion from the harsh reality of this present world.

I dream of a fairy tale come true,
                      of love's sweetest kiss,
                              of a morning filled with joy and serenity
                                        and of thy longing of a happy ending.

If only dreams were real, then I would gladly love life, always.

But who am I to say such?

Life wasn't meant to be just full of bright lovely colors,
              it was made to be technicolor-ed, and somewhat gloomy, with the shadows were having.

Reality exists, we exist in reality.

We refuse to live a life full of chaos and confusion,
                   a day with hatred and regret,
                               and a night of endless tears and misery.

Reality exists, and I show utter disgust to the idea that it does.

Reality, is real.

No matter how hard I choose to escape, I always come back stranded, in my so called sea of dreams.

And as I awaken, I remember some fragments,

 of the dreams I've once had..

"A dream is wish, your heart makes."

And now as I gently close my eyes, I shall hear the cries of yesterday,
              of my heart gently beating,
                           asking its own desire,
                                        to live a life, I wish I had.

Dreams are real, they exist in reality.

For as dreamers, we make it real.

Reality may never be changed, but I can always bring to life, my dreams.

Dreams, a lifeline of which I take in all the days of my life.

It's what keeps me going, it's what keeps me moving forward to live my reality.

I may never replace reality with my own simple dreams,
            but I can always, bring joy and laughter to my reality through my dreams.


END.

DEEEEEE <3

24.1.12

Restless and weary

Staring at the ceiling making, friends with shadows...

Here I am again, the great procrastinator of all time, with her laptop open, and some thoughts to ponder on.

Within me is a confused being,

perhaps I don't have problems, as big as others have,

but still, these are problems, that I shall have to face, now, or never.

My brother told me, that we, teenagers, have lots and lots of problems to think about, but we never really realize that it's they, in their 20's that got those serious life problems that are more drastic. Come to think of it, they do.

When I was in HS, and even when i was a mere child in my elementary years, i would often stare into paranoia, thinking about the things in life that bothers me, but right now, thinking about those silly itsy bitsy problems I've had, I realized, those were tiny, compared to what I'm having now.

Often when I have problems, I would tell myself, "I can do this!"

Thinking that in the future, I'll tell myself that I've finally conquered and reigned over all the trials I've had in life.

Here I am again, facing a crossroad.

Its time again for me to choose,

what's right,

and what should be done.

I can't tell you right now what that is,

but I'm hoping, that deep inside my heart,

mind,

and soul,

is an answer, that's slowly whispering...

I'm hoping for an answer,

I am dying to know,

I just don't when I'll get the right one.

I don't know if it has been long said to me,

but maybe, just maybe, as I step out in my everyday,

I'll be closer to that answer.

My brother told me that when you reach 20, its that time of decision making, its that time when you'll choose who you'll be, and what you will become.

I wonder what may happen if i would have to choose at this moment, at this point in time...

Cause I'm thinking it's what's happening now.

I'm perplexed, and also in solace at the moment.

I've got thoughts lingering in the corners of my mind,

I'm a fugitive, and I refuse to go out and come clean.

I reckon yesterday was nothing but fun and laughter,

I wonder how it came to be such dreary and painful world.

Nostalgic.

All I can do is remember,

those smiles I've had,

those moments of frolic,

and that lovely awakening...

I'll just choose to be here for now, hoping that one day, I'll get an answer,

and that one day, everything, will be back, as it should be.

END.

crazy, goofy. wacko. jumbo mumbo words.

deeeeeee.