being alone

Deafening silence, sometimes I ought to surround myself with this
Just to let my heart and mind think
I miss those times when walking nourished my soul
When just pure lurking around inspired me

Those times when staring at falling leaves meant a new poem
When looking at children playing felt nostalgic
Capturing each moment seemed like writing stories that will infinitely last
Everything has gone by so fast and smoothly

I cant seem to keep up with this fast phased world
Sometimes I feel like I'm even losing who I was before
We live in this world where constant change is needed
I hate to say it, but most often, we conform

Maybe that's why ever so often,
I would choose to just sit still and wonder
Waiting for thoughts to come by
Those moments when being alone meant bliss

Being alone meant I could write something new
Being alone meant I could hear my own thoughts
Being alone meant joy to my soul
Being alone meant creativity could flow

Its awesome to wander around people,
To learn about them, to know who they are
But there's just this accomplishing feeling
When at the end of the day you belong to you.

You realize everything that's happened
And tap yourself in the back
Bliss. That only you yourself can give.
Maybe this is self worth.

Wasting Youth~

And just so suddenly I decided to close my eyes that share a window to the world I found myself deep into the ocean Staring blankly into my own reflection A person I have always come to know But she seems different from when I last saw her She’s looks much wiser but looking deeper into her eyes You can see desperation and frustration Of untangled dreams that seem far to reach Looking into her I realize she’s slowly growing old Never yet realizing her dreams and goals Her mind is focused on but one undertaking A venture that has enslaved her for years Step, step, barefoot on the beach, She would always dream about a sunny day Where she’d get sunkissed while listening to music On a fairly nice holiday away from the city buzz Ring, ring, its 1 o’clock She would always dream to wake up in the afternoon Even just for once in her life To know that she’s at least a human and deserves a bit more rest Swish, swish, she pulls her suitcase She would always dream to fly from one country or place to another Even just to savor the moment And pretend that all the world’s but a destination she can easily reach Brrr, brrr, she awakens from her realization That all these are just dreams And here she is, wasting away her youth In four cornered walls, her life slips away~ 101018 Church. 9:06pm

holding on

The past 3 days have been topsy turvy, it seemed like the rollercoaster ride we have been for the past six years is finally going to a pit stop, a halt. Funny thing is, we got stuck on the high part, its like were hanging on to the safety rails with our seatbelts on, staring down the world below us. We scream our hearts out, our fears and uncertainties, were afraid of falling or failing. But we hold to what‘s dear to us. We strongly believe that in just a few moments the ride of our lives will start moving once more. Never left out nor abandoned. Im still hanging on the rails at the moment. Still feeling the wind on my hair, the beauty of His creation... and as I grasp thy infinite hope, yesteryears flash back. Looking back to the moments of tears and joy, 6 years has gone by so swiftly. And now, as I hold on to the rails and see the world below, I stare blankly into space, into heaven. Coz I know the past 6 years have been fruitful. Coz He had made all things possible. And as I hang on today, I shall keep on believing on His promise. That He is with me on this journey. And never shall I fear once more, nor will I ever question what‘s to happen. Cause He had made all things possible, that tomorrow may actually be great cause He is in control. You know what‘s crazy? Its that without knowing, the stop on the high slopes is actually the best part, its when your heart beats fast, your blood creeps up and down and you remember you‘re actually alive coz these things never happen always, the tremble you feel and the nervousness its the most real you‘ll ever feel. So what‘s left to know? Its to believe in His promise, that ‘it is done and so we shall not fear.‘ To let go and let loose, for the next part of the ride is the greatest, the fastest ride we can ever have towards the finish line is soon to happen. I was doing something a while ago and a sudden thought of writing came to me. later on i heard this phrase being whispered to me, “how are you my child? stand tall and believe for i have made the impossible happen.“ I dont actually know if its just my conscious mind saying this but, i strongly believe the Lord God is saying something. So how are you my dear friend? lets keep the faith for this roller coaster ride will totally be awesome coz He is in charge, keep the faith, were landing soon and yes, it is done!!! 8.57pm. 050815

inglorious windings~

A bump on the head,
a scratch on the skin,
enough to slap awaken reality
bursting up the bubble of infinite better days~

You find yourself rattled once more
Drowning in a finite mess of things
Of inglorious windings
and constant rages of hope.

Drops of rain fall amidst the summer sky
Just as the clouds battle against the wind
And it never stops for hours
Just to settle in mind who flourishes in the end.

And I wont give in to all
I wait for clear blue skies
For a great summer
For unrelenting thoughts

Tomorrow will be better.
I contest to the misery unfathomable
When you do most you can
And achieve none to presume.

I have once drowned in the immeasurable abyss
I have survived and frolicked,
But when all else fails
Push. Pray until something happens.

This warrior is never over getting battle scars.
When the enemy refuses to see your efforts.
Never think ill.
Instead hope for peace of mind.

Fast, until perhaps one day
It realizes your worth something.
I contest to believe in the negative.
I may still be living in my own bubble.

But I'll always know,
Hope is better than nothing.
Just..
Lord God, I know You're there for me, for us.


03.24.14

Thoughts relinquished ~

Well this is just a random rumbling of the human mind...

Its just a normal day, a usual evening with some moments to spare and thoughts to relinquish.

I cannot ever reckon what is up,
what this roller coaster ride is falling to.
Where the bridge may lead,
nor where the sun may shine.

I cannot tend to things I know none about,
Nor foresee the shadows of tomorrow or the future.
I cannot lie awake and daydream
To assure myself of a promise.


Blood runs the stream
flowing like explosions soon rise
Heart beats fast
like drums echoing in a drum roll

Head lingers to crazed fathoms
like seeing your life before your very eyes
Words get lost in a sea of tides
like learning a new language first hand


I do not know what is up
What boggles the mind
rattles the soul
and stutters with words


I have no answer yet to release.
Maybe tomorrow i'll know.
And I'll continue to hope
Just as the mind may please.


7.04.pm.2.4.14

World Says~

What I am about to reveal now is but a ruled out miscalculation of the wonders of the world and the complications & complexity of human beings.

He says, she says, you're a pretty little miss.

He says, she says, you're a smart wise kid.

He says, she says, you're a talented beast.

He says, she says, you have the skill and the wit.

He says, she says you have the will to make it big.

He says, she says you have the power of dreaming.

He says, she says you have the guts in aiming.

He says, she says you have the ability to be king.

You say, just as always, you're not beautiful

You say, just as always, you're not able

You say, just as always, you're not capable,

You say just as always, you're but average

You tell them otherwise,

Thou all the world connive

To keep that dream alive

It'll always be you who puts out the knife.

He says, she says, you're a winner.

You say, just as always, im a wiener

He says, she says, you can make it.

You say, just as always "I can't do it."

He says, she says, I believe in you.

You say, just as always, I'm not confident.

He says, she says, "That dream is yours."

You say, just as always, it's implausible.

When all the world chose to instill the best in you

You chose to be humble and let down a sigh.

When the entire crowd decided you're special

You decided it’s a lie and you're nothing.

When the entire world wanted to hone you

You wanted to rebel against & propel

When the universe started to realize you're amazing

You started to come against the flow

Why is it always a battle between self and others?

Why is it a challenge to realize self worth?

Why is it hard to accept what's foreseen?

Why is it that humans choose to let themselves down than believe in their selves and others perception?

Why are we born to deny ourselves of the idea of being good at something?

Why are we given the conscience and the capacity to weigh things?

Why are we so rude to ourselves than to others?

Why are we as intellectual beings chose to degrade our very own selves?

I have no anwers.

All I have are queries.

And this to my delight is what puzzled me on the evening of January 6^th, 2014.

.envelopedthoughts.

(unedited coz i feel lazy)

Cosmic Ideas~

I will never understand how this vast universe negotiates with the humans and the workers of the land.
With some pile of trash, some junk and cans i can never reckon how things come to one.
Nor how things may drift or float or disrupt.
As they stay afloat in its humble abode as i watch it slowly wither its way thru.


When things come together and the galaxies conspire
The aliens and the extraterrestrials humbly connive
To solely delve deep and swim thru the ocean of thoughts and yesteryears
To come to a halt and put an end in the questions of tomorrow and hereafter

And as the milky way recognizes its planets and souls
A little pluto is demoted, erased from infinite fame
And just like that humans discover and rediscover
And realize what is real and what is not.



.envelopedthought.
12.19.13