holding on

The past 3 days have been topsy turvy, it seemed like the rollercoaster ride we have been for the past six years is finally going to a pit stop, a halt. Funny thing is, we got stuck on the high part, its like were hanging on to the safety rails with our seatbelts on, staring down the world below us. We scream our hearts out, our fears and uncertainties, were afraid of falling or failing. But we hold to what‘s dear to us. We strongly believe that in just a few moments the ride of our lives will start moving once more. Never left out nor abandoned. Im still hanging on the rails at the moment. Still feeling the wind on my hair, the beauty of His creation... and as I grasp thy infinite hope, yesteryears flash back. Looking back to the moments of tears and joy, 6 years has gone by so swiftly. And now, as I hold on to the rails and see the world below, I stare blankly into space, into heaven. Coz I know the past 6 years have been fruitful. Coz He had made all things possible. And as I hang on today, I shall keep on believing on His promise. That He is with me on this journey. And never shall I fear once more, nor will I ever question what‘s to happen. Cause He had made all things possible, that tomorrow may actually be great cause He is in control. You know what‘s crazy? Its that without knowing, the stop on the high slopes is actually the best part, its when your heart beats fast, your blood creeps up and down and you remember you‘re actually alive coz these things never happen always, the tremble you feel and the nervousness its the most real you‘ll ever feel. So what‘s left to know? Its to believe in His promise, that ‘it is done and so we shall not fear.‘ To let go and let loose, for the next part of the ride is the greatest, the fastest ride we can ever have towards the finish line is soon to happen. I was doing something a while ago and a sudden thought of writing came to me. later on i heard this phrase being whispered to me, “how are you my child? stand tall and believe for i have made the impossible happen.“ I dont actually know if its just my conscious mind saying this but, i strongly believe the Lord God is saying something. So how are you my dear friend? lets keep the faith for this roller coaster ride will totally be awesome coz He is in charge, keep the faith, were landing soon and yes, it is done!!! 8.57pm. 050815

Masks and Fronts~

Droplets of rain fall just as my heart ponders
On thoughts i'd rather not think about
Moments linger, emotions flourish
I lay awake just to see what happens next

Actions are louder than the thoughts that dwell inside our cages
What the brain conceives physical nature brings out
Arrows streak on a bull's eye
Blood flow through existing veins

Masks and fronts
Smiles and leaving.
Loneliness surfaces
and to writing...

Dwell on written words that dont cut as blade
When the heart feels lacerated and handicapped
The world seem suffocating
And fake.

Facades and rumors
Whispers and stabs
Like pinned needles they sting
Cause the mind never forgets

But you'll always be fine
Cause moments pass
We move on.
We pretend.

Treasures and friends.
True or False.
I don't even know what's real
Nor where I stand

Crossroads and goodbyes
Junctions and dilemmas
You ask where to go
And in signs you look

Mind's confused, hear wonders
How does one think logically?
How does one surpass such?
Too many questions raised

So little time to discover,
one self and decisions
dispositions and beliefs
I can not answer a single one.


but one day perhaps.

inglorious windings~

A bump on the head,
a scratch on the skin,
enough to slap awaken reality
bursting up the bubble of infinite better days~

You find yourself rattled once more
Drowning in a finite mess of things
Of inglorious windings
and constant rages of hope.

Drops of rain fall amidst the summer sky
Just as the clouds battle against the wind
And it never stops for hours
Just to settle in mind who flourishes in the end.

And I wont give in to all
I wait for clear blue skies
For a great summer
For unrelenting thoughts

Tomorrow will be better.
I contest to the misery unfathomable
When you do most you can
And achieve none to presume.

I have once drowned in the immeasurable abyss
I have survived and frolicked,
But when all else fails
Push. Pray until something happens.

This warrior is never over getting battle scars.
When the enemy refuses to see your efforts.
Never think ill.
Instead hope for peace of mind.

Fast, until perhaps one day
It realizes your worth something.
I contest to believe in the negative.
I may still be living in my own bubble.

But I'll always know,
Hope is better than nothing.
Just..
Lord God, I know You're there for me, for us.


03.24.14

Dreams & Detours~

Truth is, I wasn't just given a dream.
I developed it myself.


Or maybe I wasn't.


I grew up learning each day that I opt to be "something"I have always knew I wanted to be.
While others contemplate and rationalize things I have always been stuck with one choice.
In high school, when others would weigh what they're good at and compare it with their would-be-courses I stay in my own lil' corner and aspire.
Coz I have always known what I wanted to be.

I was inspired to be what I wanted to be.
I was dazzled in amazement by the complexities of human teeth.
My high school batchmates could attest to that.
I have always opted to choose where I am today.

To realize that I am now a few steps closer to that dream is an achievement.
To know that 5 years will soon come to end,
To strive & let live all the tension, stress and acads explosions,
To believe that in a few months time, I shall graduate.

But what's next?


I wasn't given a dream.
I am striving to achieve it.
I wasn't given an illusion.
I plan to build my own future.


Coz when you build your own dream you realize,
that you deserve to have your own future.
And as the thought of how tough those years have been,
you refuse to stay blinded.


Tomorrow is a long way ahead.
I dont know what lies in the path that awaits,
but I am positive, a detour shall soon rise.
The road is under construction..


but let the good times roll.
Drive into the future. It shall seem great.


030914

Growing up.

I dont know, I just dont feel fine.
And I just want comfort and someone who can listen.
I just wanna explode and let it all flow.
I just wanna say things, coz it feels that I dont have the right anymore.

When people try to decide for yourself, you lose your voice.
You tend to realize that everything in your future is no longer yours.
That everything that's true now is no longer real.
And all your plans suddenly flourish in one blink.

You smile in pretension and feel so bipolar.
And when the world seem to crumble,
You pray that someone will notice.
Coz your strong, and no one should know.

But you arent. You're a ticking time bomb.
And all it takes is a call from your mom.
When even her voice wont seem to comfort you.
You miss your homeland and your friends.

You miss the times when everything depends on you.
When you wont think about what to do tomorrow or the summer break.
You realize you cant do anything about it.
Coz your chained, no matter what it seems right.

Why cant it be bad.
Why does it feel so sad.
That even flyin' else where is a dilemma.
It just freakin hurts.

I wanna feel numb.
I wanna break free.
I wanna seek for things i want.
Not what others want.

I just..
I feel burdened.
And when your expectations fail you.
Dream a better dream.

Coz maybe just maybe, tomorrow your dream will be yours, truly.




030914.
:')

Thoughts relinquished ~

Well this is just a random rumbling of the human mind...

Its just a normal day, a usual evening with some moments to spare and thoughts to relinquish.

I cannot ever reckon what is up,
what this roller coaster ride is falling to.
Where the bridge may lead,
nor where the sun may shine.

I cannot tend to things I know none about,
Nor foresee the shadows of tomorrow or the future.
I cannot lie awake and daydream
To assure myself of a promise.


Blood runs the stream
flowing like explosions soon rise
Heart beats fast
like drums echoing in a drum roll

Head lingers to crazed fathoms
like seeing your life before your very eyes
Words get lost in a sea of tides
like learning a new language first hand


I do not know what is up
What boggles the mind
rattles the soul
and stutters with words


I have no answer yet to release.
Maybe tomorrow i'll know.
And I'll continue to hope
Just as the mind may please.


7.04.pm.2.4.14

Frantic Horror~

You realize you were hanging on but a single thread, dangling down the brink of a cliff as the sunlight slowly haunts you with a promise of hope & tomorrow that never to seem come.


Then the phoenix rises & sees his prey, he grabs on it as quickly as the birds soar on migration day.


That was it. The last beam of glee and a promise of a future to await.


And scorn by misery & regress the culprit being stays inept to being her own kind.

The vast lands matter not a little, cause all the majority fills it with terror and frantic horror.

That was her last ticket for a glimpse of a new beginning.

Of better days and of light shining at the end of the tunnel
The damsel's last cry as she wakes to see the rainbow after the rain.
It was that stream of fresh warmth on a long winter night.

It was what the moment gave and she chose to bit.


Now everything in the world has chosen to fall apart.
Crumbling in every aspect of uncertainty
Of the weary mind that choose to stay awake.
In the wee hours of the morning, she decides to take the nearest exit.




010614
LRT ride~

World Says~

What I am about to reveal now is but a ruled out miscalculation of the wonders of the world and the complications & complexity of human beings.

He says, she says, you're a pretty little miss.

He says, she says, you're a smart wise kid.

He says, she says, you're a talented beast.

He says, she says, you have the skill and the wit.

He says, she says you have the will to make it big.

He says, she says you have the power of dreaming.

He says, she says you have the guts in aiming.

He says, she says you have the ability to be king.

You say, just as always, you're not beautiful

You say, just as always, you're not able

You say, just as always, you're not capable,

You say just as always, you're but average

You tell them otherwise,

Thou all the world connive

To keep that dream alive

It'll always be you who puts out the knife.

He says, she says, you're a winner.

You say, just as always, im a wiener

He says, she says, you can make it.

You say, just as always "I can't do it."

He says, she says, I believe in you.

You say, just as always, I'm not confident.

He says, she says, "That dream is yours."

You say, just as always, it's implausible.

When all the world chose to instill the best in you

You chose to be humble and let down a sigh.

When the entire crowd decided you're special

You decided it’s a lie and you're nothing.

When the entire world wanted to hone you

You wanted to rebel against & propel

When the universe started to realize you're amazing

You started to come against the flow

Why is it always a battle between self and others?

Why is it a challenge to realize self worth?

Why is it hard to accept what's foreseen?

Why is it that humans choose to let themselves down than believe in their selves and others perception?

Why are we born to deny ourselves of the idea of being good at something?

Why are we given the conscience and the capacity to weigh things?

Why are we so rude to ourselves than to others?

Why are we as intellectual beings chose to degrade our very own selves?

I have no anwers.

All I have are queries.

And this to my delight is what puzzled me on the evening of January 6^th, 2014.

.envelopedthoughts.

(unedited coz i feel lazy)

Cosmic Ideas~

I will never understand how this vast universe negotiates with the humans and the workers of the land.
With some pile of trash, some junk and cans i can never reckon how things come to one.
Nor how things may drift or float or disrupt.
As they stay afloat in its humble abode as i watch it slowly wither its way thru.


When things come together and the galaxies conspire
The aliens and the extraterrestrials humbly connive
To solely delve deep and swim thru the ocean of thoughts and yesteryears
To come to a halt and put an end in the questions of tomorrow and hereafter

And as the milky way recognizes its planets and souls
A little pluto is demoted, erased from infinite fame
And just like that humans discover and rediscover
And realize what is real and what is not.



.envelopedthought.
12.19.13

If only, coz I miss you.

Well I am feeling all sorts of things at the moment.
But to be honest, Im writing coz I miss you.



I miss you and your smile.
I miss you and your jokes.
I miss you and your antics.
I miss you and I.


I miss your texts.
Your tweets and your vents.
I miss us being one and the same.
I miss us being stuck with each other,


I miss us staying late at night.
I miss us comforting each other.
I miss us being each others boyfriends.
I miss us, I miss us.


I miss you and your wit.
I miss you and your depth.
I miss you and your words.
I miss you and the compliments.


I miss you being here.
I miss you and your presence.
I miss you and your eyes.
I miss you and I miss you true.


I miss you.
I wanna talk again.
I wanna sing again.
I wanna smile with you again.


If only I could mend all that's crazy wild in the world.
If only I could recover all the piece that have been broken.
If only I could get a time machine and relive each day.
If only I could give the world just to alleviate all that's hurting.

If only I could turn those tears to dust.
If only I could turn that confusion to magic.
If only I could produce a breed of those creatures.
If only I could nurse you and comfort you.


I would..
I would sail through the deep just to hold you.
I would cross the ocean just to see that smile again.
I would delve down that deep abyss just to reach you.



If only I could.
If only.
Coz I would..
And so I miss you..



I dont know how,
I dont know where.
I dont know how things will be greater.
I dont know.


But I hope it all turns around and so I can see that smile again.




12.05.13