Friends through Milestones~

I dont think Im ready to let go of this night just yet



Its moments like this when you realize you did something well in the past.

Its moments like this when you realize the universe never owed you anything but it gave you back an awesome gift.

Its moments like this when you realize you are blessed beyond compared.

Its moments like this when you realize these are friends for keeps and you ought to have them till infinite days of bliss, of ups and downs, in hope and in love.

Perhaps plans usually gets scrapped and cancelled because maybe were just destined to celebrate something beyond our years could ever think or imagine.

We were then young and naive, not knowing where life may lead us, but guess what?

Here we are slowly celebrating each others milestones....

I used to watch this on movies, but never did I realize that experiencing it first hand would be like riding a roller coaster ride.

Its like every snap of a picture is like a flashback of how it was in the yesteryears.

Of someone searching for love, and now of to marry the man of her dreams.

Of someone breaking to us an awesome news about her bundle of joy, making all of us legit titas and tito.

Its been an awesome journey, I cant wait to continue moving forward.

Distance or time maybe a hindrance but I know, this friendship shall last.

Till the last person marries.

Till the last person gets children.

Till the last person retires

Till the last person becomes a senior.

To more memories and more moments together.

Change is inevitable, but everything becomes bearable with friends by your side cheering you on and lending a helping hand.

10:20pm.




























From lecture halls, to CEU's clinics, to Manila hotel, to Manila hotel again, to our work places, to preceptor-ships, to annual conventions and to many more places and milestones, I'll continue to close my eyes and dream with you guys by my side. Thank you for making the past 10 years amazing <3

Love,
your maknae x

crossroads.

i was always that kid who never wanted to grow up,
not because my childhood was never great
i just wanted to savor every moment of it
being young felt like a passport to do all things without much to think about

looking back and reading prose from recent years
I realized i was growing up and i was struggling
i was struggling to joggle a new life that's set before me
i lost track of my passion and i lost time for myself

i forgot how it was to actually feel passion burning from deep within
i forgot how it was to take in something and live in the moment
i forgot how it was to actually feel like a kid without any responsibilities
i forgot to live, and to actually be in that moment.

maybe i was right,
i never really wanted to grow up.
but would do i do?
i can never take all the years back.

we were never meant to age backwards.
we were always meant to keep moving forward
to stop and enjoy breaks
but continue to strive and go further

its always great to look back and remember old memories
i will never forget the little prince and his friend the fox
nor will i ever forget the elephant and the boa constrictor
time is only relevant, to age is inevitable

we can always come back and enjoy the old days
the feeling it brought and the happiness that once stayed
but its always a great thing to look forward to what lies ahead
to the journey that awaits

growing up will never ever be easy.
i just have to stand tall and believe
that i can conquer tomorrow, one step a time.

because i may always regret not being a kid again,
but i will always be that kid with big dreams.
and right now, right here...
i'm bound to achieve those goals, just wait and see.



040219.11.40pm

Wasting Youth~

And just so suddenly I decided to close my eyes that share a window to the world I found myself deep into the ocean Staring blankly into my own reflection A person I have always come to know But she seems different from when I last saw her She’s looks much wiser but looking deeper into her eyes You can see desperation and frustration Of untangled dreams that seem far to reach Looking into her I realize she’s slowly growing old Never yet realizing her dreams and goals Her mind is focused on but one undertaking A venture that has enslaved her for years Step, step, barefoot on the beach, She would always dream about a sunny day Where she’d get sunkissed while listening to music On a fairly nice holiday away from the city buzz Ring, ring, its 1 o’clock She would always dream to wake up in the afternoon Even just for once in her life To know that she’s at least a human and deserves a bit more rest Swish, swish, she pulls her suitcase She would always dream to fly from one country or place to another Even just to savor the moment And pretend that all the world’s but a destination she can easily reach Brrr, brrr, she awakens from her realization That all these are just dreams And here she is, wasting away her youth In four cornered walls, her life slips away~ 101018 Church. 9:06pm

live and love

And just like a flicker,
We're one day gone in this world.
Passing like folly
Never realizing we slowly drift away

Appreciate what's infront of you
Never let go of a moment
Seize the day
Embrace change

Treasure the memories
Live for the day
Live and love
Laugh often, cry a little

We never know when one's time is up
So live and love
Never forget to stop and enjoy the view
Just live and breathe

Life's meant to be lived not to be caged
Let go of the chains and the burdens
Seize the day,
Live and love till the end of time.

tic tac

Tic tac,
Its like your life passes by
Before your very eyes

Tic tac,
Its like time running out
As you stay in one corner

Tic tac,
Its like having the world count on you
Tic tac,
But never really having anyone to count on

Tic tac,
Its like digesting everyone's meal
Tic tac,
And expecting to take it all out as well

Tic tac,
Its like things wont run smoothly
Tic tac,
Without you. Without you.

Tic tac,
Its as if everyone's lives depended on you
Tic tac,
Its like putting the world on your shoulders

Tic tac,
Its like finding someone
Tic tac,
To finally lay the burden on

Tic tac,
Its hoping this wont take a while anymore
Tic tac,
Its what keeps me going

Tic tac,
To know that time runs fast
Tic tac,
However slow it feels like

Tic tac,
I'll let the hands move
Tic tac,
Just as it slowly diverts attention

Tic tac,
Not on me
Tic tac,
But on to another

Tic tac,
And so the clock moves
Tic tac,
And though youth passes by

Another youth becomes adult.
To pass on a lifetime of work.
To pass on all that's giving bondage
To finally live a life

Free of worries
Free of deadlines
Free of responsibilities
Of others.


10:30AM
122116

Pen & Paper 📒✒

But what does writing really mean to you? Is it just a passing fancy, A past time, a hobby. Something you do when idle, or coerced by authority. But what does writing really mean to you? Is it a passion that rages within you, A phrase you cant contain. A longing for a pen and paper, endless scribbling that can go on forever. But what does writing really mean to you? Is it a path to take, A risk you'd make. Or a calling slowly dying, Amidst reality sinking deep within. Writing does not envy, It does not boast. Writing does not compete. Its something that keeps waiting until realized. Its that which flows deep in your veins Through every organ and system in your body. Its that which experiences real emotions Real people, real stories. Writing is freedom. For thoughts that are caged, Words unspoken, And ideas that just never seem to happen. And to me, writing is not giving up. On something so dear. Its holding close a gift so precious. And still bit by bit, hoping for a dream to be realized. 12:41pm 031416

holding on

The past 3 days have been topsy turvy, it seemed like the rollercoaster ride we have been for the past six years is finally going to a pit stop, a halt. Funny thing is, we got stuck on the high part, its like were hanging on to the safety rails with our seatbelts on, staring down the world below us. We scream our hearts out, our fears and uncertainties, were afraid of falling or failing. But we hold to what‘s dear to us. We strongly believe that in just a few moments the ride of our lives will start moving once more. Never left out nor abandoned. Im still hanging on the rails at the moment. Still feeling the wind on my hair, the beauty of His creation... and as I grasp thy infinite hope, yesteryears flash back. Looking back to the moments of tears and joy, 6 years has gone by so swiftly. And now, as I hold on to the rails and see the world below, I stare blankly into space, into heaven. Coz I know the past 6 years have been fruitful. Coz He had made all things possible. And as I hang on today, I shall keep on believing on His promise. That He is with me on this journey. And never shall I fear once more, nor will I ever question what‘s to happen. Cause He had made all things possible, that tomorrow may actually be great cause He is in control. You know what‘s crazy? Its that without knowing, the stop on the high slopes is actually the best part, its when your heart beats fast, your blood creeps up and down and you remember you‘re actually alive coz these things never happen always, the tremble you feel and the nervousness its the most real you‘ll ever feel. So what‘s left to know? Its to believe in His promise, that ‘it is done and so we shall not fear.‘ To let go and let loose, for the next part of the ride is the greatest, the fastest ride we can ever have towards the finish line is soon to happen. I was doing something a while ago and a sudden thought of writing came to me. later on i heard this phrase being whispered to me, “how are you my child? stand tall and believe for i have made the impossible happen.“ I dont actually know if its just my conscious mind saying this but, i strongly believe the Lord God is saying something. So how are you my dear friend? lets keep the faith for this roller coaster ride will totally be awesome coz He is in charge, keep the faith, were landing soon and yes, it is done!!! 8.57pm. 050815

inglorious windings~

A bump on the head,
a scratch on the skin,
enough to slap awaken reality
bursting up the bubble of infinite better days~

You find yourself rattled once more
Drowning in a finite mess of things
Of inglorious windings
and constant rages of hope.

Drops of rain fall amidst the summer sky
Just as the clouds battle against the wind
And it never stops for hours
Just to settle in mind who flourishes in the end.

And I wont give in to all
I wait for clear blue skies
For a great summer
For unrelenting thoughts

Tomorrow will be better.
I contest to the misery unfathomable
When you do most you can
And achieve none to presume.

I have once drowned in the immeasurable abyss
I have survived and frolicked,
But when all else fails
Push. Pray until something happens.

This warrior is never over getting battle scars.
When the enemy refuses to see your efforts.
Never think ill.
Instead hope for peace of mind.

Fast, until perhaps one day
It realizes your worth something.
I contest to believe in the negative.
I may still be living in my own bubble.

But I'll always know,
Hope is better than nothing.
Just..
Lord God, I know You're there for me, for us.


03.24.14

World Says~

What I am about to reveal now is but a ruled out miscalculation of the wonders of the world and the complications & complexity of human beings.

He says, she says, you're a pretty little miss.

He says, she says, you're a smart wise kid.

He says, she says, you're a talented beast.

He says, she says, you have the skill and the wit.

He says, she says you have the will to make it big.

He says, she says you have the power of dreaming.

He says, she says you have the guts in aiming.

He says, she says you have the ability to be king.

You say, just as always, you're not beautiful

You say, just as always, you're not able

You say, just as always, you're not capable,

You say just as always, you're but average

You tell them otherwise,

Thou all the world connive

To keep that dream alive

It'll always be you who puts out the knife.

He says, she says, you're a winner.

You say, just as always, im a wiener

He says, she says, you can make it.

You say, just as always "I can't do it."

He says, she says, I believe in you.

You say, just as always, I'm not confident.

He says, she says, "That dream is yours."

You say, just as always, it's implausible.

When all the world chose to instill the best in you

You chose to be humble and let down a sigh.

When the entire crowd decided you're special

You decided it’s a lie and you're nothing.

When the entire world wanted to hone you

You wanted to rebel against & propel

When the universe started to realize you're amazing

You started to come against the flow

Why is it always a battle between self and others?

Why is it a challenge to realize self worth?

Why is it hard to accept what's foreseen?

Why is it that humans choose to let themselves down than believe in their selves and others perception?

Why are we born to deny ourselves of the idea of being good at something?

Why are we given the conscience and the capacity to weigh things?

Why are we so rude to ourselves than to others?

Why are we as intellectual beings chose to degrade our very own selves?

I have no anwers.

All I have are queries.

And this to my delight is what puzzled me on the evening of January 6^th, 2014.

.envelopedthoughts.

(unedited coz i feel lazy)

The end game.

Shed tears never turn to dust.
It builds dreams and make them come true.
Sweat and finite hours of exhaustion,
may sound dreary but adds up to success.

To the number of times you've forgotten to eat,
to the tiresome moments of climbing up and down the stairs,
to the endless lines and stressful procedures,
and the number of times you've been bankrupted...

The first end has bid us hello.
And I know for fact, we have done well.
Uncertainty may always haunt us,
thou I know, this semester He has never failed me.

I set sail to an ocean of wide opportunities.
 Never knowing what may lie ahead.
I set my mind on a course
I never thought would be treacherous

But now the first has ended.
I have not finished the race,
Thou there'll always be a promise of tomorrow.
Of completion and a new beginning.

I have tried  my best,
and with all my luck tried to reach the end.
I have failed, thou not entirely.
Beckoning the age of better days, I stand unrattled.

I am waiting for tomorrow.
For a chance to prove myself.
Not just of the world, but to Him and myself.
That I can conquer this battle.

For this warrior never stops
Until the fight is over.
Those shed tears and endless rants will be my weapon.
Coz tomorrow, I WILL FINISH.


19.40. 10.10.13

Tolls Taken

“Hindi ka pa ba graduate?”

I get that a lot or most commonly these words,

                “Ilang years course mo?”

Sometimes I glance in blank space and wonder…

Next year my batch mates will be in their senior year, they’ll all prolly be busy with their research works, they’ll prance around job fairs & hunt for their graduation dresses…

Im far from seeking the words I’ve just said, I’m actually just beginning my stay in college. I am only half way through the path of which I will one day call my destiny.

I am nowhere near regretting & I don’t plan to do, well at least for now…

Sometimes a feeling of being left out comes to me, & suddenly feel fear in my system,

                                Telling me…

“They’ve all graduated, seeked for jobs, found their career & settled in”

While I’m still here, slowly passing, holding some instruments at hand, waiting for my professors to give out grades, pass or fail & make me wonder if I’ll ever triumph over all this.

They say life’s about taking chances, & yes I took a path I have learned to love since the beginning.

They say life’s never complete without trying so I guess I did took the right way & as the roads diverge my mind wonders off, as it trails across the trees of what ifs and what could have beens. But then I stop & jolt & look back.

Im still happier in the path of which I took.

I am continuing this adventure & no matter where it takes me,

To bums and bruises,

To tears and blood shut eyes,

To empty pockets and blank checks

I wont ever give up, so for now,

As they go up on stage

I shall admire the beauty,

The emcee’s delightful voice

The graduates cheerful sigh

I cant wait for my turn

That one day finally

I’ll hear the words,

CARULLO, Diane Belchez

A graduate, Batch 2015

Till then.

1-11-13

Written last year, finished this year, posted this year. Daz all :))

I am God's warrior.

They may say I'm a dreamer. <3

And I take pride with that.

Everyday I wake up and smile, knowing that waking up means another day closer to my dreams.

And as I wake up each day and aspire, I realize how lucky I am to be where I am.

I've always said I wanted to be a dentist, when someone asks me, hey, "What's your course?"

I breathe in and smile as I say the word "Dentistry".

I inhale & exhale, and as I look at the world in these rose tinted glasses of mine,

I become conscious of the trials that await every wanderer.

This battle goes and I walk trying to pick up the pieces of armor.

Obstacles come & in each combat a mighty warrior rises from the ashes.

But no one ever wins always, even legendary boxers & Alexander the great was defeated.

I've always wondered why we must go through tests, those silly things that make as say QUIT.

There were times when I just wanna sit in one corner and in retrospect recall every waking moment where I felt all the frustrations & the anguish.

And then as those tiny little droplets fall I fake a smile.

Claiming that tomorrow will be better.

I've always asked Him for help, but there were moments when I just wanna say, "Why can't He hear me?"

Tomorrow comes, rematch and I'm still the loser.

I can never phantom the words to say.

I just wanna scream & shout, "Why me? Why now? WHY?!"

Must I always end up torn & wounded?

One day I woke once more, taking in everything that had happened.

"Everything happens for a reason…"
 

Next day I went to battle, heart trembling as uncertainty conquers me.

"How in the world can I get up and rise when I'm way down?"

Then magic happens…

And alas… The Lord God has done it again.

I never thought He'd hear me, or at least not in that instance.

All I could say was, "THANK YOU LORD GOD, I LOVE YOU with all my heart, mind and soul."

As the song plays,

"Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life"

He never fails to amaze me, whenever I'm weak He comforts me.

Whenever I'm weary, He hears my rants.

And whenever I tell Him my needs, He stuns me with His mercy & generosity. <3

Whenever you feel lie giving up, always remember, He hears You.
Whenever you feel like He has let you down, don't ever show that frown.
He hears you; He may just be waiting for the right time.
It may not be now, but soon, then You'll realize, He has far more greater things to give you than what you expect.

So what happens to a soldier who loses in battle?

He earns scars, battle wounds that will forever lay on his skin.

Something to remind us, that God is preparing us for the great combat, the hunger games perhaps.

For something far greater than our own minds can reach.

I must admit, whenever I look back and realize how I had gone through everything I realize, God is so great.

He has always been there for me. He has loved me far greater than anyone can ever will.

Despite my flaws, my weaknesses and my doubts.

Lord God, I promise to believe in the beauty of my dreams, by faith, I know I can always achieve them. Not by my own strength but with you as my armor in this battle. Lord God, thank you for the battle wounds, the only thing that reminds us of how you have trained us. Through my journey, I offer all the trials & accomplishments, make my life Your great testimony, use me for Your glory Lord God. <3

---Dr. Dee

9-26-12

Struggles & fears.

As I type in words to this blog post,  droplets fall, and I draw near insanity.

I've been quite an expert in keeping all things locked up, sealed to perfection with a poker face to top it all up.

I am strong, I always tell myself that.
I am NOT weak.
I am good, I am better that good, supernatural things are upon me.

I am filled with optimism, with delight, with joy.
But as everyday goes, my spirit slowly crumbles...
And I am left hopeless & weary.

I am fighting through the uncertainty,
I am conquering all odds,
At least I am trying my very best.

But there's always that tiny "but" amidst all crisis.

Nothing seems to go well,
And I am left with nothing but queries.

"Bakit ganun? Bakit ganto?"

"Weren't I a good student?"

I'm doing my best, but still, it's all wrong.

I am struggling, fighting with all my heart

To reach my most awaited victory.

A victory, I presume will be worth it.

I fear that all this is but a sign,
to whether give up or choose another.
BUT NO, I know I CAN.

I just have to keep on believing
Trying, and learning.
So that maybe, just maybe...

One day I'll be triumphant.

--dee. 
7.12.12. 7.01

Dreams & Reality

If dreaming was a crime, then I plead guilty.

For dreaming is an everyday habit, a lifeline, and probably my very best friend.

I believe that I am a dreamer, and a believer at the same time.

Dreaming is my only diversion from the harsh reality of this present world.

I dream of a fairy tale come true,
                      of love's sweetest kiss,
                              of a morning filled with joy and serenity
                                        and of thy longing of a happy ending.

If only dreams were real, then I would gladly love life, always.

But who am I to say such?

Life wasn't meant to be just full of bright lovely colors,
              it was made to be technicolor-ed, and somewhat gloomy, with the shadows were having.

Reality exists, we exist in reality.

We refuse to live a life full of chaos and confusion,
                   a day with hatred and regret,
                               and a night of endless tears and misery.

Reality exists, and I show utter disgust to the idea that it does.

Reality, is real.

No matter how hard I choose to escape, I always come back stranded, in my so called sea of dreams.

And as I awaken, I remember some fragments,

 of the dreams I've once had..

"A dream is wish, your heart makes."

And now as I gently close my eyes, I shall hear the cries of yesterday,
              of my heart gently beating,
                           asking its own desire,
                                        to live a life, I wish I had.

Dreams are real, they exist in reality.

For as dreamers, we make it real.

Reality may never be changed, but I can always bring to life, my dreams.

Dreams, a lifeline of which I take in all the days of my life.

It's what keeps me going, it's what keeps me moving forward to live my reality.

I may never replace reality with my own simple dreams,
            but I can always, bring joy and laughter to my reality through my dreams.


END.

DEEEEEE <3

24.1.12

I wanna be what I wanna be.

credits to zym villanueva for this photo

My name is Dee. A dent student at Centro Escolar University. I'm proud to say that I'm now a proper student because I've waited years for this.

Four years more till I become a dentist, perhaps...

Now I'll speak...

Nung bata ako gusto 'ko maging astronaut, maglakad sa buwan, tumalon talon at madama ang kasiyahan ng mga dati ng nakapunta dito..

Minsan ko ring naisip na maging Journalist at News Anchor sa T.V, adventure, parang ang saya nung feeling na asa harap ka ng camera para ipahayag sa tao ang mga totoong nangyayari sa mundo..

Teacher, tinitingala ko noon ang teacher 'ko nung Grade 2, napakabait nya at napakaamo ng kanyang ngiti.. Naalala ko pa nun sabi ko sa nanay ko, "Hindi po ako naghuhgas after humawak ng chalk kasi si teacher di naman po nag huhugas e.."Sumagot naman ang teacher ko na naghuhugas daw sya, hindi lang namin nakikita.. hmm.. Kahit sa mga simpleng bagay, una tayong natututo, kung hindi sa ating mga magulang, ay sa ating mga pangalawang nanay at tatay sa paaralan.. Ang mga guro ay nagsisilbing inspirasyon ng mga batang katulad ko..

SK Chairman, idol ko nun si Kuya Melvyn, kaya sabi ko paglaki ko, gagayahin ko sya.. Ngunit wala..Lawyer, sabi ni papa sakin nun, "Diane, mag abogado ka na lang!"Sagot ko naman sa kanya, "bakit naman? E ang hirap hirap kaya nun..""E kasi, sa lahat may rason ka, kita mo na yan.."Tawa na lang ako.. pero masaya yun kung iisipin.. Gaya na lamang ni Lolo Felix, the best!

Benta din yung Nursing nun.. Mag nurse ka kaya Diane?

Ayoko.. takot ako sa dugo..

Nakita ko yun banner.. Accountancy.. wala.. Wala akong alam sa MATH.

.SCQ, "Sigurado pag ako sumali dyan, sasabihin nila, tanggap ka na iha!"

Sus, yabang ko nung bata pa ako. lol. porke hilig 'kong paiyakin sarili ko..

Model, hindi. Mataba ako nun.

Beauty Queen, hindi, takot ako sa tao. Takot ako husgahan, takot ako sa hindi ko kilala..

Pambansang Iskolar, pinangarap ko mag U.P... Pero hindi nangyari.. Inisip ko na lang, will yun ni God..

Writer, Mass Comm. Grad.. Sabi ni tin "Magwriter ka na lang kaya? Para one day pagpunta ko ng bookstore at pagnakita ko libro mo.. Sasabihin 'ko, ui! Libro to ni yhan.." Oo, pinangarap ko rin 'to.. kaso takot ako sa kritisismo.. takot sa rejection. Tanong ko pa nga sa sarili ko, "ipapublish ko ba 'tong blog na 'to?"

Ngunit sa lahat ng 'to isa lang ang tumimbang ng higit..

Maging Dentista, ang saya siguro nun..Makakapag higanti na ako.. pero joke lang. :)Andami 'kong pangarap.. Pero ang gusto ko talaga sa lahat ay..

"to live up to the expectations of the people around me.."

Maraming tao ang naghihintay sa kung anong mararating mo sa buhay..Ako gusto ko maging DENTISTA.

 Anu man ang pangarap mo, isa lang ang masasabi ko.. pagbutihan mo, sapagkat, iyan na marahil ang pinakamalaking regalo na maibibigay mo sa sarili mo..

Mangarap ka, at abutin mo ang iyong nais.. :)

7.57pm

5.1.11.