Young and Naive~

In flashbacks and glances
In sickness or in silence
In a mere blink of an eye
You've gotten me high

Through thick and thin
In hiding and lying.
In foolish escapes
Of smiles and waves

It was young and naive~
crazed and unimagined,
it was totally wrecking yet worth it,
that no one else may seem to beat.

It was uncalled for
And everyone seemed to want more.
It was fast paced and untangible
It was intoxicating and worth the fall~

It was all fake and never real.

It was child's play up the hill, 

To a neverland of no beginnings,

senseless with no happy endings.

It was never felt

Nor did I ever dealt

It was a game

And I felt lame

It was never decent

And you're left bent

Entangled by the past

With memories that seemed to last

Trapped in a sea of nothingness
In a space full of emptiness
In a world of empty solace
Of the grief and cunning faces

And would I ever forbid
To long just to bid
A good bye to what has been
And hello to what may beam.


So alas.... idk what. But.



1.09am.11.25.13

R.I.P First Ones~

So this is a post about me ranting how i deleted something i wrote with all conviction and might, not to mention my eyes that were a bit puffy and watery whilst I was typing words.

Idk. No matter how hard I try to delve deeper I can no longer find the right words to render what I've deleted "alive".

It is dead. And its rather wrong to try to revive something that's of the past.

Maybe that's what  it's all about really.

To forget the past,
let go of all that's holding you back,
forgive and live,
then take a step and move forward.

It's time to let go of what's not to be.
It's time to bid farewell of the land of what if's
Time to permit one's self to live for the future
To "what could be's"and realize what's in store.

The past is always a great place to come back to,
never to dwell in nor be imprisoned in.
Its this sacred sanctuary of holding thoughts so dear,
but never jailed by the emotions that settled in.

Its always great to live passed one moment in life.
To know you have surpassed something so enduring.
Its great to look back and laugh at such memories.
But then again, 1,2,3 seconds that may suffice.

We are free to seek and think
              free to grasp each loving ideal
              free to treasure each fancy
              free to let go and let live and new day.

R.I.P to the firsts of yesterday's dreams
to the daydreaming and hoping.
R.I.P to the first ones.
To one that may never be~



11.9.13

The end game.

Shed tears never turn to dust.
It builds dreams and make them come true.
Sweat and finite hours of exhaustion,
may sound dreary but adds up to success.

To the number of times you've forgotten to eat,
to the tiresome moments of climbing up and down the stairs,
to the endless lines and stressful procedures,
and the number of times you've been bankrupted...

The first end has bid us hello.
And I know for fact, we have done well.
Uncertainty may always haunt us,
thou I know, this semester He has never failed me.

I set sail to an ocean of wide opportunities.
 Never knowing what may lie ahead.
I set my mind on a course
I never thought would be treacherous

But now the first has ended.
I have not finished the race,
Thou there'll always be a promise of tomorrow.
Of completion and a new beginning.

I have tried  my best,
and with all my luck tried to reach the end.
I have failed, thou not entirely.
Beckoning the age of better days, I stand unrattled.

I am waiting for tomorrow.
For a chance to prove myself.
Not just of the world, but to Him and myself.
That I can conquer this battle.

For this warrior never stops
Until the fight is over.
Those shed tears and endless rants will be my weapon.
Coz tomorrow, I WILL FINISH.


19.40. 10.10.13

Knackered & Jaded~

When words cannot strongly suffice the heart's longing,
the emotion sets in & the being lays knackered.

With questions made to and fro,
unimaginable consequences overpower.
It is right to take grasp,
To answer & catch every bit of certainty in the universe.

But what again is it that bedazzles this creature?
A word she would not utter not try to speak of.
A fantasy she dreams of cutting off,
Yet in reality, she longs of a fairytale.

Why would she in a million years run away?
Because she fears extinction.
Not of her race but for her well being.
For that something she has always caged within.

She refuses to enter the portals
For when she takes a step
She'd take a leap of faith
& drown in a pool of mess

She stays unamused yet enthralled
By the idea of knowing what "it" may seem to be
She remains in her corner, hoping.
That one day perhaps...

all her convictions will turn to ash forgotten for life & changed to something worthwhile.


18.27. 10.10.13.

....

I dont know what lies ahead. But I seek to opt to know that things will go well.

Swell. As I just feel like falling flat on the concrete mountains of the jungle of the civilized world. I lie awake just to face the gloomy disposition of facing a reality that's there to haunt me for the rest of my well being.

I stand just to realize the truth of being in a certain circumstance of disbelief and not knowing.

And in this vast universe of connection dots and situations I stare into the ceiling blankly as the thoughts revolve around my own solar system. Rattled and amused I solemnly pray for that silver lining, for a breath of fresh hope and a bight ray of sunshine.

In layman's term, I am confused and uncertain of what the world may fuse to be. If   I the student shall find the right one or if I the student shall be forever one that waits till the crows turn white as cold as the snow that never falls in the PH.

I seek to know.
Thou I cant stand the heartbreak of waiting for unfavourable ideas.


10.7.13 12.44AM

Seeking breaking-free~

When it hurts like hell and you just wanna mask all the jumbled emotions inside you.
When you just wanna run across the hay fields and scorn yourself whilst you bleed so that the pain will be a refuge.
So that the pain inside will feel normal, so that the pain will mask another pain.

When will the longing end?
When will thy seeking end?

I wanna smile again, and laugh and cheer. And prance and fly.

I want the tears to fall so that maybe I could at least let go of some bottled emotions.

1,2,3 steadfast my heart beats.

I want the the stream to flow... The tunnels to burst.

And the barriers to break...


7.12.13. 4.58.

Anxieties and Heartaches~

When the anxiety starts to get to you,
and the water works start to haunt you,
give in.

Tomorrow is a brand new day,
but the heartaches of today will always and forever be etched.

It is a great feeling to live pass it.
To know you've struggled high and low but survived.
Its what's most fulfilling.

What I cannot comprehend is when and how things will come to a turning point.

I am waiting.~

And if once I see the light shine thru I'll go quick and savor the sun that beams thru.
I  shall live with it and attain it.

I wonder when the light shall shine.

I thought I have reached the end but I haven't.

I am still in the pits waiting for the walls to break.

Till tomorrow comes and hits me,

till triumph and great happy days.

8.40.pm. 8.3.13.

Passing Fancies~

But what does a passing fancy mean? 

Is it when you hold your palms tight and your fists close just to rattle yourself with that uncannyfeeling?

Or is it during those sleepless nights when you force yourself to sleep yet you find yourself hooked in the enchanted tales of ideal romances? 

What does the four letter hold?

A promise of a great tomorrow?
Or a minute of certainty and uncertainty?

What does it mean to feel?

What does it mean to seek?
What does it mean to wait?

To wait for the crows to linger, the clouds to pass by, the door to unlock and the mind to open.

1,2,3 step. Fast.
This journey continues.

.envelopedthoughts.
7.8.13

Patience & Patients~

Hi there!

          Its my first journal for this semester & school year.
       Many things have happened, many things have changed.
     The earth's motion started with different schedules,
                                                       different people,
                                                       and most possible a new environment.

Change was sudden, I should have long been prepared. And so it starts...

I carve a face on my oh-so-busy mind
And flip! My thoughts jumble, my words jump.
I kept thinking hard lately
And I cant believe it'll possibly even be more challenging

People run a jolt, they come and go
With written scribbles & laughs in exchange
I developed fondness for a person & a stranger
As weird as it may seem I have liked what it felt

To be loved & be complimented
To feel a heart-warming desire
To feel fulfilled & adequate
To help & to be of service

I see the smiles on their faces
And the twinkle in their eyes
Their sweet gentle beaming
And their soft whisper "I am fine"

This is what I like to do.
And I tell myself most often,
I wanna be of service
For people who dig thru the sands of time

For the masses who have long waited
To restore a huge grin
To laugh genuinely
To feel accepted

The "thank you's" are all rewards
To hear that is music in my ears
I wanna feel this joy
I want this lasting feeling

Firsts are always scary
First are ultra challenges
But who cares?
We live and we learn...

& love the journey that awaits. ♥

DMD.
8.42pm. 6.27.13

Trapped Emotions~

When feelings get lost in a sea of tides you grasp every bit of uncertainty. Hoping that in a queer skim you'll hold what you've been waiting for in the palm of your hands. But then again as every mystery unfolds you lay abandoned thou unrattled.

A quick snap of a finger, a gentle tap on the dusty wooden oak and a solid smack of drift wood...
Alas I this I found...

Little being wants to feel
To flaunt and anneal
As the tides splash
And I jump in a dash

Little being wants to scream
Just to flash thy beam
To sigh and fly
To apply thy cry

Little being want to play
As she goes astray
And humbly she whispers
"I dont care"

Little being wants to shout
Thou all the world may doubt
Little being wants to sob
Yet all the world's a blab!

Little being wants it out
Thou she pretends a scout
Little being sees the world
And every stab a sword

Little being wants to sneak
Maybe with just a peak
Little being wants it over
Yet I can say whatever

Little being says okay
Coz she's tired of maybe
As her mind floats in bay
She remains like a baby

.envelopedthoughts.

1.01am. 6.4.13