Trapped Emotions~

When feelings get lost in a sea of tides you grasp every bit of uncertainty. Hoping that in a queer skim you'll hold what you've been waiting for in the palm of your hands. But then again as every mystery unfolds you lay abandoned thou unrattled.

A quick snap of a finger, a gentle tap on the dusty wooden oak and a solid smack of drift wood...
Alas I this I found...

Little being wants to feel
To flaunt and anneal
As the tides splash
And I jump in a dash

Little being wants to scream
Just to flash thy beam
To sigh and fly
To apply thy cry

Little being want to play
As she goes astray
And humbly she whispers
"I dont care"

Little being wants to shout
Thou all the world may doubt
Little being wants to sob
Yet all the world's a blab!

Little being wants it out
Thou she pretends a scout
Little being sees the world
And every stab a sword

Little being wants to sneak
Maybe with just a peak
Little being wants it over
Yet I can say whatever

Little being says okay
Coz she's tired of maybe
As her mind floats in bay
She remains like a baby

.envelopedthoughts.

1.01am. 6.4.13

In Memory~

As I woke up I found you gone

With shattered pieces of my heart left on the floor

Torn and abandoned I lay weary

Caressing every single moment of the life I had with you

I was left crushed in pieces

I reckon I can never make whole again

You left within a jolt of intangible lies

In a web of queries and anxieties

And as I lie on that cold hard marble

Reality struck that I may never see you again

That gentle smile that beams to and fro

And that flick of hair that rattles my soul

I held my palms and remembered how you held it

And in my heart I know I've found you

But in that winter night I know

I lost a soul I have bore my life to

I dont wanna say farewell

Coz I know you were the one

I dont wanna say good bye

Coz im waiting one last hi

-Dee. 11.12am. 6.4.13

#totalrandomness I have no idea where this came from. Totallyyyyy

Tolls Taken

“Hindi ka pa ba graduate?”

I get that a lot or most commonly these words,

                “Ilang years course mo?”

Sometimes I glance in blank space and wonder…

Next year my batch mates will be in their senior year, they’ll all prolly be busy with their research works, they’ll prance around job fairs & hunt for their graduation dresses…

Im far from seeking the words I’ve just said, I’m actually just beginning my stay in college. I am only half way through the path of which I will one day call my destiny.

I am nowhere near regretting & I don’t plan to do, well at least for now…

Sometimes a feeling of being left out comes to me, & suddenly feel fear in my system,

                                Telling me…

“They’ve all graduated, seeked for jobs, found their career & settled in”

While I’m still here, slowly passing, holding some instruments at hand, waiting for my professors to give out grades, pass or fail & make me wonder if I’ll ever triumph over all this.

They say life’s about taking chances, & yes I took a path I have learned to love since the beginning.

They say life’s never complete without trying so I guess I did took the right way & as the roads diverge my mind wonders off, as it trails across the trees of what ifs and what could have beens. But then I stop & jolt & look back.

Im still happier in the path of which I took.

I am continuing this adventure & no matter where it takes me,

To bums and bruises,

To tears and blood shut eyes,

To empty pockets and blank checks

I wont ever give up, so for now,

As they go up on stage

I shall admire the beauty,

The emcee’s delightful voice

The graduates cheerful sigh

I cant wait for my turn

That one day finally

I’ll hear the words,

CARULLO, Diane Belchez

A graduate, Batch 2015

Till then.

1-11-13

Written last year, finished this year, posted this year. Daz all :))

Overdeveloped Fondness

He walks the halls with smiles and laughter

Drives us crazy with his jokes and antics

He teaches us things, from right to wrong

And cares entirely for our well being

From serious lessons to just fooling around,

He keeps the class lively and do what he does best

He is a teacher, a father, and above all, a FRIEND.

He’s a person so kind,

Even his laser guns get nabbed.

He’s a person so cool

You will surely love to call DAD.

He’s a teacher so fab

You surely wont wanna miss class.

He has taught us so much,

From exposing xray films to pricking needles, to CPRs and Heimlich’s

And with all this we just we just wanna sing and shout a big “Thank you” Sir Romero

We are forever in debt for the knowledge and kindness you have shared with us.

Please remember our timid faces, our cookie sighs and our crazy ideas whilst you read this.

We love you Sir! X

-         -Carullo, Diane B., DMD2A =)

Things & Wishes~

There will always be those scenes in life that'll keep on lingering no matter how hard you try to lock it down.

Things you wish you hadn't said,

        Things you wish you said.

Things you wish you had not done

        And things you wished you've had.

There'll always be moments where you wish you didn't or you wish you did.

Things you always wanted a time machine for, to rewind the events and in-still in mind a picture of what's right to do.

Things you wish you had, like a magic wand or a crystal ball to enlighten you with things.

Or magic powers to make things right.

There will always be consequences and a series of preludes and post activities.

And no matter how you wish or hope, things will never go the way you want them to.

Things will always go from down right happy to all the way round sad street.

       But despite all you'll realize that what's done is done,

               What's not done is what stays.

We can never turn the clock & force time to reverse itself.

All that's left then are lessons of the past & the future,

                                         of right & wrongs

                                            of recollections of what might have been and what could have beens

                                         and of hopeless and scary nights of why and hows

Lest I forget, all of life is but an experiment

                We learn through the explosions of acids and bases.

                                   through the hot flow of magmas and self made volcanoes

                              through the mind blowing equations and formulas

         And in vast retrospect

                  We realize that working with our lab mates is the biggest challenge of all.

                       Through thick and thin I'll stick.

No matter what I'll try to learn.
Cause I know, it'll always be worth it.~

03|05|13
.envelopedthoughts.

Unknown: Isang Lumang Kasulatan

Ayun. Sapul. Nahulog ang bola sa basket. Panalo sila.

Sa bawat pagpasa at bawat pagshoot ng bola,

May isang tinamaan, malakas ang tibok ng puso at panalo rin ang dating.

Pagnakashoot, ayun, sa paghulog ng bola, buong puso nya hulog rin.

She's falling for him, rumor sa school. Bakit daw?

Aba ewan. Isang palaisipan umano.

Siya ang pinakamagaling, at pinakamatalino, nakarating na sa ibang bansa dahil sa contests na sinalihan,

pero ang mainlove sa isang basketbolista? Nakapagtataka.

Matapos ang game, nagsilapit ang mga fans ni lalake.

Naghiyawan…

Di lumapit si babae, halatang may gusto siya, pero ayaw niyang aminin…

                Pagtatago.

Hanggang isang araw, nakita siyang luhaan at mistulang wala sa sarili…

                Nawala ang lahat sa kanya.

Walang makakaayos, kundi ang bolang maty autograph ni lalaki.

Pinilit ng kaibigang makuha ito, ngunit huli na ang lahat.

                Nagbigti si babae.

                .END OF STORY.

The thoughts of an 18 going on NINETEEN.

I am 19 and I'm feeling ancient.

I am 18, borderline of innocence & maturity.

I am 18, filled with optimism & dreams.

I am 18, a little doubltful but ready to reach my dreams.

I am 18, & still stuck in my Neverland...

          but soon,

                    turning 19

19, the year of truth

     the year to make things right.

     the last year of teenhood.

     & the year to transform myself bit by bit unto being an adult.

I am 19, soon to end my adolescence

I am 19, filled with hope & the will to make it big.

I am 19, uncertain but making those tiny steps towards my goal in life

I am 19, still missing my mother's hand & my father's sermons

I am 19, & a little stunned with this new world...

          but soon,

                    I'll be prancing around willing to move forward.

As the great Morrie Schwartz has said,

      "All younger people should know something. If you're always battling against getting older you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow."

I am ready to take that step towars maturity, to look back & not dwell in it, I am 19 never will I be 18 again.

Last year has passed so swiftly & I take pride in all the joys & sorrows.

Thank You Lord God for everything. ♥

     "Because if you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. YOU WANT TO GO FORWARD. You want to see more. You can't wait until sixty five."

I AM READY.

I am God's warrior.

They may say I'm a dreamer. <3

And I take pride with that.

Everyday I wake up and smile, knowing that waking up means another day closer to my dreams.

And as I wake up each day and aspire, I realize how lucky I am to be where I am.

I've always said I wanted to be a dentist, when someone asks me, hey, "What's your course?"

I breathe in and smile as I say the word "Dentistry".

I inhale & exhale, and as I look at the world in these rose tinted glasses of mine,

I become conscious of the trials that await every wanderer.

This battle goes and I walk trying to pick up the pieces of armor.

Obstacles come & in each combat a mighty warrior rises from the ashes.

But no one ever wins always, even legendary boxers & Alexander the great was defeated.

I've always wondered why we must go through tests, those silly things that make as say QUIT.

There were times when I just wanna sit in one corner and in retrospect recall every waking moment where I felt all the frustrations & the anguish.

And then as those tiny little droplets fall I fake a smile.

Claiming that tomorrow will be better.

I've always asked Him for help, but there were moments when I just wanna say, "Why can't He hear me?"

Tomorrow comes, rematch and I'm still the loser.

I can never phantom the words to say.

I just wanna scream & shout, "Why me? Why now? WHY?!"

Must I always end up torn & wounded?

One day I woke once more, taking in everything that had happened.

"Everything happens for a reason…"
 

Next day I went to battle, heart trembling as uncertainty conquers me.

"How in the world can I get up and rise when I'm way down?"

Then magic happens…

And alas… The Lord God has done it again.

I never thought He'd hear me, or at least not in that instance.

All I could say was, "THANK YOU LORD GOD, I LOVE YOU with all my heart, mind and soul."

As the song plays,

"Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life"

He never fails to amaze me, whenever I'm weak He comforts me.

Whenever I'm weary, He hears my rants.

And whenever I tell Him my needs, He stuns me with His mercy & generosity. <3

Whenever you feel lie giving up, always remember, He hears You.
Whenever you feel like He has let you down, don't ever show that frown.
He hears you; He may just be waiting for the right time.
It may not be now, but soon, then You'll realize, He has far more greater things to give you than what you expect.

So what happens to a soldier who loses in battle?

He earns scars, battle wounds that will forever lay on his skin.

Something to remind us, that God is preparing us for the great combat, the hunger games perhaps.

For something far greater than our own minds can reach.

I must admit, whenever I look back and realize how I had gone through everything I realize, God is so great.

He has always been there for me. He has loved me far greater than anyone can ever will.

Despite my flaws, my weaknesses and my doubts.

Lord God, I promise to believe in the beauty of my dreams, by faith, I know I can always achieve them. Not by my own strength but with you as my armor in this battle. Lord God, thank you for the battle wounds, the only thing that reminds us of how you have trained us. Through my journey, I offer all the trials & accomplishments, make my life Your great testimony, use me for Your glory Lord God. <3

---Dr. Dee

9-26-12

Struggles & fears.

As I type in words to this blog post,  droplets fall, and I draw near insanity.

I've been quite an expert in keeping all things locked up, sealed to perfection with a poker face to top it all up.

I am strong, I always tell myself that.
I am NOT weak.
I am good, I am better that good, supernatural things are upon me.

I am filled with optimism, with delight, with joy.
But as everyday goes, my spirit slowly crumbles...
And I am left hopeless & weary.

I am fighting through the uncertainty,
I am conquering all odds,
At least I am trying my very best.

But there's always that tiny "but" amidst all crisis.

Nothing seems to go well,
And I am left with nothing but queries.

"Bakit ganun? Bakit ganto?"

"Weren't I a good student?"

I'm doing my best, but still, it's all wrong.

I am struggling, fighting with all my heart

To reach my most awaited victory.

A victory, I presume will be worth it.

I fear that all this is but a sign,
to whether give up or choose another.
BUT NO, I know I CAN.

I just have to keep on believing
Trying, and learning.
So that maybe, just maybe...

One day I'll be triumphant.

--dee. 
7.12.12. 7.01

Conflict of interests.

I wonder how there can ever be trillions of people in this vast universe,
with only a you & a me.

I am what I am, and I can never change that.
I may have tried once, twice or so, but I know I cannot in a million years change who i am.
For you.

Blame games and plastic cups.
A glass of liquor and some pain killers.
Metaphors & similes used.

But inside of me,
no verb nor noun can can alleviate
all the infuriating thoughts that jolt.

You have taught me to be inferior.
I am an underdog.
And you are the peak.

I used to look up to you.
Bow down on every achievement.
I wanted to be like you.

Glad I didn't.
Now I feel ashamed.
You no longer even have to exist.

Of all the many strangers,
why must you be the one?
The one I will forever bare.

We all must carry our own cross.
But to this, I must say no.
I object, and  resist.

Bound by bonds I can never deny.
Yet barred by depths of hatred,
of disgust & arrogance.

I shall never say no to reconciliation
but as this goes,
I'll take it with me.

Cause once we were strangers.
But you never said hi.
And I was naive.

I don't understand all rules.
And you don't seem to like me.
So good bye.

To the bond between us.

-Dee
07-05-12
:)